Archive for the ‘A Bit Of A Rant’ Category

What’s Going On?!

Hello? Does anybody still read this thing? We had a pretty eventful summer, and I honestly just didn’t feel like writing anything. But for the last couple of days I have. So here’s what’s been happening. Most definitely NOT listed in order of importance.

It’s Monday. I haven’t had a soda since Saturday evening. I don’t have a headache (yet), and I don’t want to kill anyone (yet).

Mr. Bingley has decided that maybe he won’t eat. He looks so skinny and pitiful. For the last two weeks his highness had deigned to eat hamburger and honey nut Cheerios. But starting yesterday, not.

My wonderful Grandma died in June. It was great for her, she was ready. And I know she’s with God and Grandpa and so happy. I’m still sad.

I told the husband yesterday that we weren’t going to eat out for 30 days. To his credit, he nearly kept a straight face. And he didn’t fall on the floor, and roll around in hysterical laughter.

Speaking of the husband, the DMV made him get a new picture on his license. I’m quite sure he will be getting frisked much more often at the airport. He looks like a serial killer. I’m not kidding. They had him take off his glasses, which somehow caused him to look at the camera with those runaway bride crazy eyes!

We went to Branson for vacation this summer with the husband’s side of our family. We had a great time. One caution: you might want to rethink Branson as a destination if you are a foodie. I’m not, but I was continuously disappointed with the food. The rest of the family thinks I’m nuts.

Shortly after Branson, my beloved father in law died. He had lung cancer and it spread. To be very frank and extremely crass, cancer sucks donkey balls.

Buddy had radiation treatments for his two cancers. We found out last week that he now has lung cancer. 6-12 months. Please refer to my thoughts on cancer above.

We had my mother in law and my fourteen year old nephew stay with us for 10 days. We really had a great time. My nephew is also our God child and it was lovely to spend some time with him.

My mother in law came to visit again with her sister and mother. Also a great time. They had never been to this house before and we loved having them. My mother in law is a very easy house guest, and so were her sister and mother.

Have you ever had your house guests show up while the cleaning people were still cleaning? Just wondering…

Yesterday was the first time in my entire life that I drank almost an entire cup of coffee! I should also add that there was no cream or sugar of any kind. Does this mean I’m all grown up?

I really want a Coke. I love Coca Cola so much that I would marry it and have it’s babies. Except that I’m already married, and I apparently can’t have babies, and you can’t marry soda pop (yet). ;)

Speaking of babies, one of my dearest friends gave birth to a long awaited baby girl. Abby is in the NICU, and improving. Please include baby Abby in your prayers.

Speaking of babies and cancer. Remember when one of my little sister’s ovaries was obliterated by a tumor earlier this year? Well, the other one works! She’s expecting! Take that cancer!!!

My brother’s wife is about to give birth to baby number 8! And it’s a girl. I love buying girl clothes! This will be the fifth girl. I keep trying to convince my brother that he needs a house with more bathrooms and a very large wedding fund. He thinks he needs port a potties and a convent. ;)

The stupid radio station that used to carry the Dave Ramsey show live here in Dallas changed formats and dropped Ramsey for Mike Huckabee. So annoying. So stupid. I’m talking about the station, not Huckabee. I don’t know about him. I don’t listen.

Mr. Bingley will be 13 years old at the end of November (if he will just eat!). So, he might actually outlive Buddy, who is 4 or 5 years his junior. And he has already outlived Mr. Darcy, who was 1 year younger. I sometimes imagine that somewhere in his tiny, stubborn brain Mr. Bingley is thinking, “That’s right biaatch, you keep trying to get me friends that I don’t want, and I’m going to outlive them all!”

I have done almost no gardening for the past two summers. For some reason funerals and cancer and drought do not inspire me.

I have also done almost no home improvement projects this entire summer. But I’m getting the itch again, so I’ll take that as a good sign. Now if I just had all that money back that I spent on radiation, I’d be set.

To all three people who might read this: What have you been up to? Thanks for reading!

Overheard

I haven’t been blogging a lot lately. I seem to have lost my motivation. I have no idea why. It’s been running through my head for several days that I have lots of short, funny snipets of life floating around in my head. So if you were a fly on the wall at our house, here is some of what you might have heard:

Me to the husband as he’s trying to swat at a bug at the top of our two story foyer: Darwin award, Darwin award! You are seriously going to die and get a Darwin award!

Me: Where did I put our old radio, boom box thing?
The husband: I have no idea where you stash things. You’re like a squirell. (said with very attractive facial expressions supposedly mimicking my squirrelness)
Me: You suck! (said without heat)
The husband: No, you suck! (said back in the same manner)

Me to anonymous: You may never eat the Drunken Master ever again.
Anonymous: Hey! That’s not nice!
Me: It’s not me that’s not nice. It’s the smell!

Me to the husband over the phone: Buddy has a malignant tumor, called a spindle cell tumor on his leg.
The husband: What the hell is with all the cancer?!

Me to the husband via text message on Tornado Tuesday: Thunder shook our house and rang our doorbell. We have no TV/phone/Internet service. I think we may have been hit by lightning.
The husband: You’ll be fine. Go put on your bike helmet.

AT&T technical support phone person: It says here that the technician went to your home at 6:38 PM and you were unavailable. Also he called two numbers and got no answer.
Me: Did he call our home number? It doesn’t work, that’s part of the reason he’s was called out! What? That’s not my cell number! I don’t know who’s number that is! I was here from 4 to 8, no one came!
AT&T: Well he says he did. And also, you should know that they can show up and hour later or an hour earlier than their official window.
Me: YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT THIS CRAP IS WHY PEOPLE HATE THIS COMPANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me to the supervisor: I live in a gated neighborhood and they keep track of who goes in and out and what time. He never even came in the neighborhood. Just Fed Ex me a new modem. I don’t want that liar in my house. Thank you.

Me to Mr. Bingley: Mr. Bingley, you have to calm down and stop trying to hump everything (mostly Buddy and dog beds)! I’m going to start calling you “Humpy”.
Me to the husband: Mr. Bingley’s new found energy reminds me of those stories you hear about old men walking around nursing homes, showing everyone their junk!
The husband: laughs

I think I’ll stop here. If you actually made it to the end, you probably can’t take anymore. ;)

Friday Update

Buddy
Thanks everyone for your comments about Buddy Monster. Things have settled down a bit over the last couple of days. And there haven’t been any problems at all between Bingley and Buddy.

Nap time!


Buddy is still cracking us up with his craziness. And you can tell that Mr. Bingley is like “What the heck is the matter with that thing?”! Last night after we had gone to bed, Buddy started howling and crying. When the husband went downstairs to see what the deal was, he found Mr. Bingley peeking around the doorway of the room where he sleeps, looking very perturbed. :) Also yesterday, quite by accident, I found where several toys had disappeared to. The Buddy Monster had buried them in the garden!

House Suff
I had some new window treatments installed yesterday in the master bedroom and in the navy blue room. They replace white faux wood blinds that are original to the house (1995). Also, I got the very nice gift of two new lamp shades from Julia Sugarbaker. They look great on my old black candlestick lamps. She tried to pass those shades on to me a couple of months ago and I was sure I didn’t have any use for them. When I finally realized they might work on those lamps, she brought them over within 5 minutes. Thanks, Julia!

this was the best "before" photo I could find to show the old blinds and lamp shades


at some point the walls will be painted a gray and the curtains will be white


Same as the shades in the master. Still need art, rug, etc...

Fashion Advice
So I’m wondering how many people have the same feelings and issues that I have about this. I guess I am also wondering if I am being a whiny biatch (which is a definite possibility). There are lots of fashion blogs on the internet. I check a few of them regularly, and I have been able to glean a few useful and helpful tips from them. But I find myself getting really irritated with the ones who are helping others dress. I stopped reading one almost entirely because I realized that she has issues with seeing body types other than her own. For instance, she had a client of hers with a large chest buy a blouse with horizontal stripes. Seriously? I don’t have a large chest, but even I know that 99.9 times out of 100, that is not going to be flattering. This week I bought an ebook that is supposed to simplify dressing. While the book does have some good tips and advice, I found myself becoming extremely annoyed. Possibly, irrationally so. This skinny author seems to be under the impression that black skinny jeans, as long as you find the correct fit are universally flattering and a must have. This makes me want to take one of my short, stocky legs, and beat her with it! I’m kidding – sort of. And BTW, I’m not PMSing. :) And while she does mention that we shouldn’t get hung up on her particular choices of key pieces, it was very hard not to notice that she gravitates towards many things that are not universally flattering: cropped pants, horizontal stripes, mid length skirts. So I guess the question is: Am I just being a jealous chick who is mad that I can’t wear that stuff, or do I have a legitimate beef with these advice givers? I guess I thought the examples in a book would trend towards things that are wearable for more people. Of course, there is always the standard answer, I don’t need to take their advice if I don’t like it. And that is completely true. Maybe I need to quit complaining, and put together outfits for short, chunky girls. What say you?

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

General Anesthesia, Endometriosis and Happiness

What’s up buttercups? I’ve been laying low this week because I had laparoscopy last Friday. Everything went really well, and I was lucky enough to not really have much pain. Today is the first day that I can say for sure that the nagging shoulder pain and ribcage pain is gone. If you’ve never had such a surgery or known someone who has: they blow extra air into your body. It hangs around for a while after the surgery and causes irritation.

So anyway, I’m pretty happy because my recovery has gone really well. And they only found mild endometriosis. I assumed because of my hideous period pain every month and my barreness, that it would be much worse. So even though it might not explain the barreness, I’m happy to have it behind me and to not have to worry about it like I might if it had been a lot worse. Because that stuff will come back. Ugg!

I really dislike general anesthesia. Don’t get me wrong. I understand that I’m lucky to be alive at a time in history when it exists. But I hate how I feel coming out of it. And I get really freaked out before surgery that I’m not going to wake up!

What I am most happy about is a little ick to write about. So guys, you might want to stop reading here. :) The monthly pain seems to be at an end!!! People, if this is what normal women’s periods feel like, then all normal women need to get on their knees right now and thank God, their ancestors, and their uterus for this gift. I AM NOT KIDDING!!! If you have never had periods where you were so debilitated that you could not function, please understand that you have fellow human beings who suffer. They suffer very much. Be kind. Be sympathetic. It’s so much more awful than you can know if you haven’t been through it month after month, year after year.

So that’s pretty much all I wanted to say. I’m here, I’m feeling great, and halleluja for normal periods!

PS The husband was awesome about the surgery and taking care of me. Thanks, honey! Mr. Bingley (the turd!) wanted nothing to do with me for almost the entire day. Weakness and sickness are not causes for Mr. Bingley’s sympathy. All humans beware!

I’ve Got Nothing (As In Holiday Energy)

It’s ten days until Christmas and I’ve bought 8 presents. That total was 1 yesterday, until I went on a mad Amazon spree at 11:30 last night. I have no ideas for the rest of my people. This is a bit unusual. I tend to have at least a glimmer of something bouncing around in my head.

I had to tell my old neighbor last week about Mr. Darcy. I usually talk to her a couple of times a year, and I realized when her Christmas card came that I hadn’t told her yet. She sent us a really sweet card this week with a cute picture of Bingley and Darcy.

I hesitate to write about this on here, because it’s not anything to do with me (except all the crying I do when I read her posts). But… please read the blog An Inch Of Gray. You can find it on my sidebar. Anna has always been amazing, and she continues to be, while dealing with the death of her son. I don’t have any idea how she’s doing it, but she’s even sending out thank you notes. She included a wonderful prayer and picture of her sweet boy.

You know those nice sonograms they show on TV when there’s a show about pregnancy? Well if you are infertile special like me, you get an alien probe a special sonogram. I won’t go into anymore details. I’m sure you get the picture. Seriously, will the indignities never cease?!

The week before Thanksgiving, I forgot my haircut appointment for the third time in as many years. It’s very embarrassing that I have wasted Andrea’s time. The first two times felt slightly less horrible, because I had actually messed up while putting it in my calendar. This time was the worst because it was in the calendar. But you have to actually look at the calendar for it to work!

The worst news of all these days is that my father in-law is sick. He has lung cancer. Please pray for him that his treatments go well. We’d like to have him around for a long time to come.

All righty then! Aren’t you glad that you took the time to read my whining? It’s so bad, I should try to write a country song. ;)

Interesting Reading

So, I’ve been in a little bit of a funk lately. But at least I know that I’m in one. That’s pretty important because it helps me to realize that my reactions to things might not be “spot on” as the Brits would say. That has translated into a lot less blogging, because I’m not sure that I want to write what is in my head. Does that make sense? The other frustrating thing is that there is absolutely no reason for this funk. I have a very lovely life. Earlier this week I read this post over at Dooce, and a little light bulb went off. Please don’t be concerned for me. I am lucky enough not to be quite as severely affected as Heather is. But it’s awesome that she writes about it so honestly. And it connected the dots for me about how I’ve been feeling with how much I hate the fact that it gets darker earlier. I REALLY REALLY hate it. After thinking about this for a few days, I started wondering where the sunniest places to live are. Here is a list compiled by FindYourSpot.com. I was extremely surprised to see Topeka on the list as well as a few others. I found a different site that says Dallas only has 135 sunny days per year. That is less than I thought, but only 1 day less than Grand Junction, CO which made the list. So I think the list might be a little incomplete and subjective.

On to more amusing topics…

My friend Erika told me about the honey badger videos on You Tube a few weeks ago. Since that time, the honey badger has been busy and is now shilling for pistachios. They really have a pretty funny ad campaign going. While I think many of them are funny, I really like the commercial featuring The Winklevi. I’m guessing that they might not like being called The Winklevi, but it’s such an awesome name that I can’t be blamed for loving it. Go here to watch the commercials I mentioned. If you are completely unfamiliar with the honey badger’s previous work, just search You Tube.

I was listening to NPR the other morning and they were talking about how Putin is campaigning to be president of Russia…AGAIN. That’s right, he of the former KGB and he of the eyes that so famously lied to GW, wants to be officially in charge again. To that end, he has taken to traveling with his own photographer to document his manly and heroic life. the Atlantic has a great piece on it. This guy is unbelievable. And the fact that we as Americans cannot understand the Russian public’s willingness to buy his BS and put him in office again (although some would argue he never left), is more proof that we are incapable of understanding other cultures, and therefore incapable of the nation building that we have undertaken. Okay, back to amusing: Did you see all the bare chested photos?

Little Miss Cranky Pants

The late, great Mr. Darcy, getting his cranky on.

While talking through a recent difference of opinion big fight with the husband, I was informed that over the last year or so, I have become a bit less easy going. I then recalled that some other people who shall remain nameless, have decided that my temperament has some elements of Phlegmatic in it. (I totally disagree, btw. :)) But maybe that was their way of explaining my cranky pants.

After the conversation with the husband, I freaked out in true drama queen fashion, and decided that I must have a tumor. At this point, the husband apparently decided that I had not been upset enough, so he said, “You don’t have a tumor! You’re just getting old!”. Great. Thanks. Listen buddy, just because you’re a few months younger than me doesn’t mean you get to throw around the O word.

This getting less willing to put up with crap and be easy going is not a good development for several reasons.
1. I’ve never really been a push over (possibly, giant understatement). So having that trait increase in intensity, probably translates into something in the bitch on wheels category. Not exactly what I’m shooting for.
2. Life is less fun when you can’t be easy going. Uptight means less laughter. Less laughter equals less fun. Bleh!
3. Never mind. Number three would just reinforce the whole cranky thing.

Has this happened to you? Have you found yourself less able or willing to just let things slide? Were you able to reverse the trend? Advice, please!

Sincerely,
Miss Cranky Pants

Monday Morning Confessional

Don’t worry, my priest gets the juicy stuff. ;)

1. We ate bread and rice on Sunday. This is abnormal for us these days. But we were a bit weary of salads, and grilled meat. It was nice to have a little treat, and someone may have also had a couple of margaritas.

2. My kitchen is a mess. I don’t think it’s been completely spotless for a couple of weeks. Every time I get back to just respectable, I cook a big meal and it all goes to hell again. I guess since I didn’t have to cook dinner on Sunday night it should be clean right now. Yeah right!

3. I have been behind on laundry for months. It’s not all dirty. In fact, the vast majority is clean but not put away. And even though I have a ginormous closet, I don’t think there is room for everything. The consequences of not purging clothes when we moved three years ago along with my yo-yo weight are coming home to roost. I am aware that it’s annoying for people to whine about having too much. But it really is a problem and I know I’m not the only one.

4. My left foot is messed up. I have been having pain and discomfort in the ball of my foot for weeks. So I’m going to see a podiatrist. I have never done this before. I hope they don’t try to tell me that my feet are all wrong and that I need thousands of dollars worth of inserts, etc… Because I can assure you I will be finding a different doctor for my foot if that happens.

5. The windows are all in, but they still have to be trimmed and painted on the inside and siding has to replaced and painted on the outside as well. I have no idea how many more days I will be stuck at the house all day. What do people do when both couples work full time? Does someone have to take vacation to have work done on their house? I am trying to always remember to thankful for my blessings.

6. I just finished Rob Lowe’s autobiography, “Stories I Only Tell My Friends”. I am surprised at how good his writing is, and how much I like him. Or at least the him that he reveals in this book. He has led a pretty amazing and complicated life. It’s a good read and I would definitely recommend it.

7. We have a partial season ticket package for a minor league baseball team. We have missed every single game so far this season. This is completely unusual for us. And I don’t even want to think about what a waste of money. No tickets next year…

8. My sister in-law just had her after pre-school caregiver fink out on her with barely more than a week’s notice before school starts. And the woman did it over text message! Can you even believe how completely despicable and gutless some people are?! And I think this person even goes to the same church they do. I’m glad it’s not me because I would be very tempted to to be not nice (Yes, I have to go to confession A Lot. Why do you ask?). Luckily for the fink, my sister in-law is very sweet.

9. Have a great week and enjoy the last days of summer!

I’m Opening My Big Mouth About…

Politics

I live in Texas. I really like living in Texas. I’m a registered Republican. I don’t actually like the Republican or Democratic parties. I should probably become an Independent. The Republican Governor of Texas is Rick Perry. He’s an idiot. I must confess to having voted for this idiot. But that doesn’t mean you should repeat my mistake. Or God forbid, compound it, by making him President of the United States.

On the surface, it would seem that Pecos Perry and I agree on a lot of things. And you have to admit, he has great hair. But you need to look beneath the surface. And I’m afraid that there’s not much functioning brain matter beneath all that awesome hair. Or at least, functioning the way we would all like.You know, Honest, forthright, blah, blah, blah… Speaking of presidential candidates and hair – Did we learn nothing from John Edwards A.K.A. Silky Pony? Good hair equals not trustworthy. ( I get a real kick out of all the reporters on those NPR round tables who are still reeling in shock over the fall of John Edwards. More proof that reporters who cover DC should be exiled to the middle of the country once every couple of years, so they can pull their heads out of their @$$*$!)

Seriously, if the criteria for President of our great nation is now solely to provide great material for SNL, then Perry is your man. Late last year I saw him speak at an event. I left convinced that he was not right in the head. Or possibly other things that I’m not sure I can say. I hoped that because he was in the middle of his book tour, that it was just exhaustion. But it was pretty squirrely behavior for exhaustion. And isn’t being President a hard and exhausting job? I mean they always visibly age really fast from all the stress. What if he behaved that way while representing our country? Don’t get me started about red phones and buttons attached to bombs!

For you Republicans out there who thought you might have found your man, I have some research for you. Start searching on the internet for the Trans Texas Corridor. The important issues having to do with this nightmare are the use of imminent domain to swipe land and even to wipe entire towns off the map. Also, Perry gave the rights to run the road and all businesses along the road to a European company (Spanish I believe). This company also happens to be a contributor to Perry’s (gubernatorial) campaign. Another campaign contributor was the pharma. company that developed Gardasil. Perry was going to mandate that every 5th grader in the state be injected with this drug. This was a couple of years ago, when we had even less info. about the side effects, etc… The entire state freaked out and stopped him. There should also be a great video floating around of him berating a State Trooper for pulling his car over and ticketing his driver, even though his driver was most definitely speeding. So this is all of the crooked, “I’m better than everyone” BS that I can come up with off the top of my head. If this is what an average housewife knows about, how much more is there that we don’t know? I’m willing to bet that it’s quite a bit. He’s also very easily led and tends to reverse positions 180 degrees at the drop of a hat.

Please, please, please look elsewhere for a candidate. If you don’t, Democrats – prepare to be gleeful. 2012 will be a very fun year for you. And do I have to put it in writing? I will. Having such a buffoon, even as a candidate, is not good for America.

Have You Seen It?

I caught an episode of Million Dollar Decorators on Bravo last night. Have you seen this show?

Here are some thoughts:
1. If you ever want to hire a designer/decorator, DO NOT let your husband see this show. It will confirm all of his worst fears about doing such a thing. And it will do it very quickly. Insane budgets, insensitive behavior, crazy people, etc… He won’t be able to differentiate between these designers who are working for extremely rich people and who you would hire, who are used to working with people who have budgets. And as for the crazy: we all have family for that. Who needs to hire it? ;)

2. Mary McDonald is very beautiful. Her reaction to her client’s impending divorce – not so much. But I’m hoping that Bravo’s editing is the culprit. I may be hoping in vain, if the rumor about her being the inspiration for Karen on Will & Grace is true.

3. Martyn Lawrence Bullard did complete a very cool pad for Sharon Osborne on this episode. And I would have liked to see more projects and less personal stuff. Mr. Bullard’s attitude towards those in the trenches with him when he was on his tight deadline was fairly awful. Once again, we can hope that those editing gremlins at Bravo are to blame. If they aren’t, he needs an attitude adjustment.

3. What’s with the three names? Mr. Bullard and Mr. Marks should lose the three name thing. In America, white men with three names are usually serial killers.

4. I am pre-disposed to like Nathan Turner and Jeffrey Marks (that’s right, I got rid of the 3 name thing for him) because they own Labradors. I have issues.

5. The producers at Bravo must have peed themselves in happiness when they met Kathryn Ireland. Her entire household seems like something a TV writer would dream up.

6. These decorators may become famous/more famous from doing this show. But they are not doing your local, hard working designer any favors with it.

So, are you watching? What do you think? I’m going to try not to watch, but I can’t promise anything. It’s hard not to get sucked in! I have managed to resist the fake housewives for many years now, so maybe I will be successful.

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