I haven’t been blogging a lot lately. I seem to have lost my motivation. I have no idea why. It’s been running through my head for several days that I have lots of short, funny snipets of life floating around in my head. So if you were a fly on the wall at our house, here is some of what you might have heard:
Me to the husband as he’s trying to swat at a bug at the top of our two story foyer: Darwin award, Darwin award! You are seriously going to die and get a Darwin award!
Me: Where did I put our old radio, boom box thing?
The husband: I have no idea where you stash things. You’re like a squirell. (said with very attractive facial expressions supposedly mimicking my squirrelness)
Me: You suck! (said without heat)
The husband: No, you suck! (said back in the same manner)
Me to anonymous: You may never eat the Drunken Master ever again.
Anonymous: Hey! That’s not nice!
Me: It’s not me that’s not nice. It’s the smell!
Me to the husband over the phone: Buddy has a malignant tumor, called a spindle cell tumor on his leg.
The husband: What the hell is with all the cancer?!
Me to the husband via text message on Tornado Tuesday: Thunder shook our house and rang our doorbell. We have no TV/phone/Internet service. I think we may have been hit by lightning.
The husband: You’ll be fine. Go put on your bike helmet.
AT&T technical support phone person: It says here that the technician went to your home at 6:38 PM and you were unavailable. Also he called two numbers and got no answer.
Me: Did he call our home number? It doesn’t work, that’s part of the reason he’s was called out! What? That’s not my cell number! I don’t know who’s number that is! I was here from 4 to 8, no one came!
AT&T: Well he says he did. And also, you should know that they can show up and hour later or an hour earlier than their official window.
Me: YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT THIS CRAP IS WHY PEOPLE HATE THIS COMPANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me to the supervisor: I live in a gated neighborhood and they keep track of who goes in and out and what time. He never even came in the neighborhood. Just Fed Ex me a new modem. I don’t want that liar in my house. Thank you.
Me to Mr. Bingley: Mr. Bingley, you have to calm down and stop trying to hump everything (mostly Buddy and dog beds)! I’m going to start calling you “Humpy”.
Me to the husband: Mr. Bingley’s new found energy reminds me of those stories you hear about old men walking around nursing homes, showing everyone their junk!
The husband: laughs
I think I’ll stop here. If you actually made it to the end, you probably can’t take anymore.