How To Look Like A Space Alien With…

4 Boobs

Sorry to men who are brave enough to read my blog. You may want to look away.

Here’s how you do it: In a burst of misguided vanity, you decide to order two of the Spanx, front close bras called Bra-llelujah just before your annual Christmas vacation. You (me) are fat, and said bras promise not to show back fat. You get the bras (1 nude and 1 black) the day before you leave. You try them on and they feel great. No back fat! You wear the nude one on the plane and pack the black one. When you reach into the overhead compartment to place your bag, you end up looking like this:

I know you're all jealous of my drawing talent. 😉

Beyond the ability to entertain my friends and relatives, I found the Spanx Bra-llelujah, front close bra to be a massive disappointment. And an expensive mistake. To those of you who may think I just bought the wrong size, I have a disclosure to make. I worked for nearly five years as a bra fitter. I know how to measure myself, and do so often.

In conclusion, I have this to say: Who cares if your back looks all nice and smooth, if your front has two extra boobs?! Back to the drawing board, Spanx!

10 responses to this post.

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA… BOOBS! What a difficult subject, unless you are 18 or have fake ones! I don’t even know if I want to go there! lol

    Buying a bra is a hard task and the older you get, the harder it is to find the “perfect” bra! I don’t need to tell you why, right? I think the only smart way to do it is by going and trying it on before bringing it home. Yes.. not very clean.. I hate that fact! But that’s life and at least you know 100% if it’s the right one for you.

    Oh, my… I love your sense of humor! And yes, I am really jealous of your drawing skills. How did you become so good? 😉


    Luciane at


  2. Posted by andrea on December 29, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    I didn’t know you were once a bra fitter!! I have been thinking I need to buy new bras post baby since I am all out of whack….you need to let me know how to measure myself. I wouldn’t dare let anyone else do it…I’m one of those customers who HATES to be helped. Great story, Nichole! Did Shane not notice at all before getting on the plane?


    • I can definitely email you the instructions or show you on my self the next time we see each other. FYI, I always measured women in a normal bra (no padding, no sports bra) and a t-shirt. No one should EVER ask you to strip down. 🙂


  3. Absolutely hilarious!!!!


  4. Thanks! Just had an idea – we run “Sunday Funnies” each week on my website. Would you care if I ran this blog one Sunday? I could link back to this blog, too! Let me know. I think we have Sunday, the 16th open!


  5. […] Have you ever packed only two new bras for a trip? Bras that turned out to be completely worthless? […]


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